Kayaking

It is addictive.
Invigorating.
Life changing.
It's profound to me what is in my backyard here in Quincy, CA. From back country skiing, snowboarding, incredible hikes, kayaking, rafting. I've discovered the opportunity of a dream life I wouldn't have known to look for.
I wish I could be happier here.
There are moments.
This weekend had some good ones. The first two days I didn't really understand the fear everyone was talking about. I seemed to be floating down rivers gracefully. It wasn't until the third day that fear struck, and it struck my nerves. I lost my roll and any real attempt at it, completely! I would immediately panic and fall into, "I don't know how to do this!" give it one half ass attempt and then pull my skirt. I felt unbearably tense and freaked out the whole day. I don't know if I was just tired; if the third day was just too much. But panic seemed to strike a cord within me, and I didn't know how to shake it.
The rivers here, the trees, the sun, the birds, paddling through the water with lively laughter, songs, jokes, smiles, conquering fears, failing, overcoming, cheering each other on when someone masters a new move, or a newbie gets his roll in the rapid! Exhaustion at the end of the day that is satisfying in a way few things are. Rapid after rapid! hooked, I am hooked, just need to figure out a way to make this a regular part of my life.
Or am I just to be grateful for these moments?
It's nice to discover strengths about myself. We shall see if this discovered passion becomes more a part of me.