So yesterday on a long walk the Lord began to talk to me about the 1 1/2 year old here, Daniel. Every night since I got here he awakens countless times throughout the night screaming. It is not just crying, and it is not like it builds into a scream, but that he awakens screaming. This immediately told me he was being tormented by something, whether it was emotional or spiritual I did not know. As days past I became more aware of the fact that about every couple of minutes he was crying, screaming or intensely whinning, literally. Some might think this is normal but it was like I could hear he was trying to communicate something but no one was understanding. So I just kept listening and asking different questions about Him, His father is abusive, getting out of jail in a couple of weeks and both of his parents are pretty serious alcoholics.
Anyways, this youngin' after these couple of weeks of watching and listening got so heavy on my heart I couldn't wait to get home and pray for him, to be with him and play with him. Which has not been the case since I got here. It actually has been pretty hard for me to feel a genuine love for this little one to my own surprise. So I heard the Lord prompting me to sleep beside him through the night, to be there to pray for him before and as he awakens. The verse "He gives rest to His beloved" came really strongly to mind and heart, like I was to speak it over him.
So it turned out that the baby ended up sleeping with me that same night all this flooded my heart because Moshe, one of Polly's sons had to use his room in the middle of the night. And it very well may be that he stays with me from now on, which REALLY excites me because so much is flooding my heart for him. This morning when he awoke there was a sweetness to him I haven't seen before. Then tonight Abby and I, the other girl that helps here, prayed for him for awhile at a park. When I got home Polly mentioned how he was in a good mood all night! This little boy is never in a good mood! Atleast not from what I've seen in the last three weeks. Anyways, this makes me really happy! Like really seriously happy! But please keep this in your prayers as I feel there is a battle ahead and we need covering.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sea of Galilee...
So today a group of 60 Sudanese refugees, a few others and myself went on a bit of a tour from Capernaum, down to the waters of the Galilee and then over to Mt. Carmel to meet up with the other Sudanese Women and children.
I don't really get humans. So many tour groups were at Capernaum, to see where Jesus lived, where much of his ministry was with Peter and Simon I believe it was. I just don't think Yeshua would want us flocking and drooling over these places. I guess it connects different senses, to get a visual of the living conditions and see how He was truly amongst the poor, that was different. But the whole thing puts a bad taste in my mouth and a bitter hesitancy in my heart. I just don't think Yeshua would want us following around where He was, but more where He is and where He is moving...?
Anyways, I fell even more in love with the Sudanese children today. The story their eyes tell. I couldn't stop taking pictures of this one girl, Diasiem. I hope I can put a few of them on here. She was fixed on looking out the window. After looking into her eyes, I couldn't help but wonder what the world looks like through her eyes. She doesn't smile much, or maybe she just takes awhile to warm up...
My bubbles really came in handy with bonding and getting this group of children to open up to me considering I only had a day with most of them.
The Galilee was stunning! I experienced such an incredible fullness on this body of water. My head tried to rationalize that maybe it's because I've read about it so much in the bible, that I am just naturally romanticizing it. But my Spirit knew the truth. I've experienced many bodies of water, and all creation speaks of His Glory, but His presence resides in a tangible way here. A younger guy got baptised, that was pretty exciting! He was glowing for the rest of the day. I could just see the Lord's presence all over him! We sang songs including 'Jesus loves me' in Arabic on the water, as I got to cradle several children and was surrounded by more, felt pretty dream like. Oh man, and listening to them sing worship songs in their native tongue, with the African cry on the bus did wonderful things inside me!
I could write so much more, but I think that is it for now. It is time for bed...
I don't really get humans. So many tour groups were at Capernaum, to see where Jesus lived, where much of his ministry was with Peter and Simon I believe it was. I just don't think Yeshua would want us flocking and drooling over these places. I guess it connects different senses, to get a visual of the living conditions and see how He was truly amongst the poor, that was different. But the whole thing puts a bad taste in my mouth and a bitter hesitancy in my heart. I just don't think Yeshua would want us following around where He was, but more where He is and where He is moving...?
Anyways, I fell even more in love with the Sudanese children today. The story their eyes tell. I couldn't stop taking pictures of this one girl, Diasiem. I hope I can put a few of them on here. She was fixed on looking out the window. After looking into her eyes, I couldn't help but wonder what the world looks like through her eyes. She doesn't smile much, or maybe she just takes awhile to warm up...
My bubbles really came in handy with bonding and getting this group of children to open up to me considering I only had a day with most of them.
The Galilee was stunning! I experienced such an incredible fullness on this body of water. My head tried to rationalize that maybe it's because I've read about it so much in the bible, that I am just naturally romanticizing it. But my Spirit knew the truth. I've experienced many bodies of water, and all creation speaks of His Glory, but His presence resides in a tangible way here. A younger guy got baptised, that was pretty exciting! He was glowing for the rest of the day. I could just see the Lord's presence all over him! We sang songs including 'Jesus loves me' in Arabic on the water, as I got to cradle several children and was surrounded by more, felt pretty dream like. Oh man, and listening to them sing worship songs in their native tongue, with the African cry on the bus did wonderful things inside me!
I could write so much more, but I think that is it for now. It is time for bed...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Yesterday 9-17-08
So yesterday I went to meet the near by Bedouins. For those that do not know: Bedouins are a desert-dwelling Arab nomadic pastoralist, or previously nomadic group, found throughout most of the desert belt extending from the Atlantic coast of the Sahara via the Western Desert, Sinai, and Negev. These days many are no longer nomadic. The one's I met are settled here in Arad. We went to the Chiefs home. He has two wives and 19 children. When I asked him how many children he has he commented on how young he still is and is looking for another wife, as he gave me an inquisitive look. I quickly looked away trying to pretend I didn't catch it, as I pushed aside a wave of nausea.
One of his daughters followed my every step, she was adorable! I helped make some bread, checked out their camels, ratted chickens and had some pretty good tea. Their living conditions were rather interesting. Piles of clothes and trash everywhere, bed mats dispersed erractically. The more I looked around the more the daughter that was following me around seemed to get embarrassed, so I stopped. I could see how this was the way life is lived. I wondered if any of them wanted a different lifestyle, if any attempted to reach past what they were raised in, and how they are treated if they do so. These are questions I should ask.
It was Ramadan, so we got to partake in their nightly feast! Well sorta. A new experience all around for me.
I forgot to take my camera so I can't give visuals of this experience. But supposedly we go there often, so I will have plenty of opportunities to capture this lifestyle!
One of his daughters followed my every step, she was adorable! I helped make some bread, checked out their camels, ratted chickens and had some pretty good tea. Their living conditions were rather interesting. Piles of clothes and trash everywhere, bed mats dispersed erractically. The more I looked around the more the daughter that was following me around seemed to get embarrassed, so I stopped. I could see how this was the way life is lived. I wondered if any of them wanted a different lifestyle, if any attempted to reach past what they were raised in, and how they are treated if they do so. These are questions I should ask.
It was Ramadan, so we got to partake in their nightly feast! Well sorta. A new experience all around for me.
I forgot to take my camera so I can't give visuals of this experience. But supposedly we go there often, so I will have plenty of opportunities to capture this lifestyle!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
More On Arad
So this whole Journey was launched into action by a particular person speaking into my life at a timely moment. His word was “follow your heart, not your head, and don’t be afraid to go where you can’t yet see a way."
Upon settling in Arad I was on such a traveling high it was hard to settle into such a quiet way of living. I still don’t know what it is that I am doing here, but I don’t see much of a need for me where I am currently staying. But I still think I will be here for the next three months at least. Unless the Lord opens an unexpected door. Although there may be a few specific things He has for me to do here. The oldest boy, Aaron has been heaviest upon my heart. I’ve only heard stories of his anger and rage, but I see an ocean of pain and anger in him that has me on my knees often. I am praying to see the light of Lord free him from those prisons of hatred and unforgiveness.
So if I continue to follow my heart I wont be leaving this land any time soon. It doesn’t make sense to me, nor can I see a possible way. So I just feel at a loss trying to piece together the details. But really there is no actual way for me to do that, I have no choice but to depend souly upon the Lord. Wow how those words have whole new depth to me.
I know that the Lord has been laying orphans heavy upon my heart as well as the Sudanese. I just don’t know of what actual help I can be. The language barrier feels rather large and wide at times, working on that, the written part of the language completely overwhelms me! Please keep me in your prayers as so much is uncertain.
I am looking forward to seeing the Dead Sea tomorrow and rather excited about spending the High Holy Days in Jerusalem.
Upon settling in Arad I was on such a traveling high it was hard to settle into such a quiet way of living. I still don’t know what it is that I am doing here, but I don’t see much of a need for me where I am currently staying. But I still think I will be here for the next three months at least. Unless the Lord opens an unexpected door. Although there may be a few specific things He has for me to do here. The oldest boy, Aaron has been heaviest upon my heart. I’ve only heard stories of his anger and rage, but I see an ocean of pain and anger in him that has me on my knees often. I am praying to see the light of Lord free him from those prisons of hatred and unforgiveness.
So if I continue to follow my heart I wont be leaving this land any time soon. It doesn’t make sense to me, nor can I see a possible way. So I just feel at a loss trying to piece together the details. But really there is no actual way for me to do that, I have no choice but to depend souly upon the Lord. Wow how those words have whole new depth to me.
I know that the Lord has been laying orphans heavy upon my heart as well as the Sudanese. I just don’t know of what actual help I can be. The language barrier feels rather large and wide at times, working on that, the written part of the language completely overwhelms me! Please keep me in your prayers as so much is uncertain.
I am looking forward to seeing the Dead Sea tomorrow and rather excited about spending the High Holy Days in Jerusalem.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Arad
Hhmm, what to share, what to keep...
So I arrived here in Arad Monday evening September 8th. Awoke Tuesday at 5am and accompanied the other girl living here on a long walk through the desert over looking the Negev as the sun rose. About ten feet from home is a vast view of Negev, the Dead Sea and land of Jordan, such a trip. It is truly as romantic as it sounds. I've spent almost every evening out on the quiet of those hills and rocks!
So the orphanage is indeed a foster home and not an orphanage. The friend that first told me about this kehilah (community) referred to it as an orphanage, so that has been my reference.
There are 4 children here. Andrea 16, Aaron 15, Natan 8 and Daniel 1.5yrs. The three older are siblings. Their mother died of cancer and their father is an alcoholic. Building connection with them is going to take a lot of time and intentional careful approaching. Today while playing with Natan I found myself crying after looking into his face. A face that resembles my little Joseph (brother). One of the hardest things about coming here that plagued me deeply on my visit home was the fact that I am going overseas to love on Orphans when I have two at home that I can make the biggest impact, whom the love already runs so very deep. Natan's face has a tenderness that was created to be treasured, adored and deeply nurtured. You can see how his older siblings have hardened from the reality of their lives.
Since arriving I've been wrestling intensely if this is where the Lord really wants me. I think my pride and will have been most at work because there is a strong sense in my kishgus (think that is how you spell it, you know in your gut) that this is the place He has for me. It is just hard for me to see it and value it as much as the Lord maybe. I think I was hoping to work with more children. But each day I find more and more treasures. One thing I know is this gives me an opportunity to actually know these children in a real, possibly more intimate way. The thing I need a lot of prayer for though is the fact I don't know whether to extend my flight for three months or a year. Here is where I have been waiting upon the Lord and seeking Him earnestly. Because for me to stay longer then three months I will be depending upon Him to provide for me to leave the country every three months. Also to truly invest so intimately in the home of these children is not something I take lightly. For them to open their hearts to me, if I get that honor, isn't something I can only invest in for three months, and I fear I would go stir crazy in this home day after day. The wild side of me longs to be a part of the world around me in this land. Though I am free to travel the country on the weekends, which generally is enough time to enjoy every destination I'd want to get to. But I think this is where I am learning once again about dying to my own desires as I continue to delight in the Lord.
Also, working with the Sudanese continues to grip my affections. I am so drawn to them. So filled with a love I desire to show them. Praying for the faith to believe in healing for them. At the bus station on the way here there was a young Sudanese boy in a wheel chair. I wanted to speak him out of that chair into full awareness of the world around him. But I couldn't see it, and it looked like he didn't want to be a part of the world around him. Like he deliberately checked out. I ended up seeing his older brother outside the mall today. I sense our paths will continue to cross. I look forward to accompanying a woman from the community who serves and loves them.
A funny little thing: so I've been reminded that Abba does know our hearts even better then we do. While hanging up clothes outside on the line I've discovered that I have desired to do this for a long time. It must have come from the movies, but I didn't even know I desired this until the desire was fulfilled. It brings me great joy and pleasure. I feel old fashion and a lot of peace.
Please keep me in your prayers as I have major life decisions to make in the next month.
So I arrived here in Arad Monday evening September 8th. Awoke Tuesday at 5am and accompanied the other girl living here on a long walk through the desert over looking the Negev as the sun rose. About ten feet from home is a vast view of Negev, the Dead Sea and land of Jordan, such a trip. It is truly as romantic as it sounds. I've spent almost every evening out on the quiet of those hills and rocks!
So the orphanage is indeed a foster home and not an orphanage. The friend that first told me about this kehilah (community) referred to it as an orphanage, so that has been my reference.
There are 4 children here. Andrea 16, Aaron 15, Natan 8 and Daniel 1.5yrs. The three older are siblings. Their mother died of cancer and their father is an alcoholic. Building connection with them is going to take a lot of time and intentional careful approaching. Today while playing with Natan I found myself crying after looking into his face. A face that resembles my little Joseph (brother). One of the hardest things about coming here that plagued me deeply on my visit home was the fact that I am going overseas to love on Orphans when I have two at home that I can make the biggest impact, whom the love already runs so very deep. Natan's face has a tenderness that was created to be treasured, adored and deeply nurtured. You can see how his older siblings have hardened from the reality of their lives.
Since arriving I've been wrestling intensely if this is where the Lord really wants me. I think my pride and will have been most at work because there is a strong sense in my kishgus (think that is how you spell it, you know in your gut) that this is the place He has for me. It is just hard for me to see it and value it as much as the Lord maybe. I think I was hoping to work with more children. But each day I find more and more treasures. One thing I know is this gives me an opportunity to actually know these children in a real, possibly more intimate way. The thing I need a lot of prayer for though is the fact I don't know whether to extend my flight for three months or a year. Here is where I have been waiting upon the Lord and seeking Him earnestly. Because for me to stay longer then three months I will be depending upon Him to provide for me to leave the country every three months. Also to truly invest so intimately in the home of these children is not something I take lightly. For them to open their hearts to me, if I get that honor, isn't something I can only invest in for three months, and I fear I would go stir crazy in this home day after day. The wild side of me longs to be a part of the world around me in this land. Though I am free to travel the country on the weekends, which generally is enough time to enjoy every destination I'd want to get to. But I think this is where I am learning once again about dying to my own desires as I continue to delight in the Lord.
Also, working with the Sudanese continues to grip my affections. I am so drawn to them. So filled with a love I desire to show them. Praying for the faith to believe in healing for them. At the bus station on the way here there was a young Sudanese boy in a wheel chair. I wanted to speak him out of that chair into full awareness of the world around him. But I couldn't see it, and it looked like he didn't want to be a part of the world around him. Like he deliberately checked out. I ended up seeing his older brother outside the mall today. I sense our paths will continue to cross. I look forward to accompanying a woman from the community who serves and loves them.
A funny little thing: so I've been reminded that Abba does know our hearts even better then we do. While hanging up clothes outside on the line I've discovered that I have desired to do this for a long time. It must have come from the movies, but I didn't even know I desired this until the desire was fulfilled. It brings me great joy and pleasure. I feel old fashion and a lot of peace.
Please keep me in your prayers as I have major life decisions to make in the next month.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Mt. Carmel
This is pretty much the note I wrote on facebook...
My time here has been surreal. At times, I still cannot wrap my brain around the fact that I am actually here. Hopefully when I see more of the land it will begin to fully register. I know I haven't traveled much overseas, but I've been about the states and I've never experienced anything like this place. It's like every cell of my body and spirit have come to life. All my senses are on overload. I didn't feel it until my second day here because the first was spent recovering from jet lag, but this strong, familar sense of home is evident every place my feet take me. My brain keeps trying to make sense of it, but I think it is just one of those things that just are about His Land. Many people here feel it as well. As I rode on the bus here I felt as though I was one with the soil of this land. Probably a little too intense or cheesy for some, but it's all very real to me. Some of you know how I long to grow a garden, so I've got this thing with soil and the soil of our souls...
Staying in the Hostel in Tel Aviv was a beautiful beginning to this adventure. I definitely think I could live life on a roof for an extended period of time. Although it was a little overwhelming yet exciting how many people were coming in and out from all over the world on a daily basis.
I didn't really know why I was coming to visit this ministry on Mt. Carmel. I just knew I had to after having such an intense experience reading their book "Road to Carmel" two years ago. I was praying about volunteering here at first because of that, but the doors to the orphanage in Arad were wide open. Being here, though really good, has confirmed this is not the place for me. Upon arriving I dropped off my bags and headed straight for the sanctuary. There was a tangible thickness of God's presence there. They also have this room below they call "the cave" its was the first thing built on this territory. It has been known that when people go there to pray it often opens up the root issues of what you are praying about. Anyways, I definitely had some interesting times with the Lord in there.
One thing that has been a pleasant surprise is that I got to meet a young woman named Mary Jane. She worked in China with Jackie Pollenger for three years. Hearing the intensity of that ministry and how it prepared her for what God had for her here intrigued me deeply, to say the least. She knows she is here for life, called to Bethlem in specific. Her reality excites me. Jackie's story "Chasing the Dragon" was the first I read that began brewing these desires within my heart in high school. I remember closing that book and knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Or it was the first mirror that reflected a resemblance what was already truest inside of me.
I didn't realize until I got here how much I expected to meet with the Lord or hear from him in a real way about why I am here or what is next. The things that have been heaviest on my heart are most unexpected. I'll share more about that later.
I've fallen in love with the babies and children here. I remembered on Shabbat that Sudan was heavy on my heart in high school for awhile. I am grateful to know the community I am going to today, work with the Sudanese refugees as well. I find I enjoy the babies fingers most. There is a strength, and roughness to their touch and activity I am not use to. One of the girls, Yamema, whose mother and sister weren't let through the boarders, has snuck into a special place in my heart. Almost immediately the bond felt like a sister and when I heard more of her story I realized all the more how precious my time with her here would be.
Also there is a young woman 16yrs old. She is pregnant and due in a few weeks. Just this weekend is the first time she began to express a desire to keep her baby. There is much more to her story, but I am uncertain of what I can share. There are many hurdles to be jumped in order for the state to grant this. In particular they would need someone to care for this little one one-on-one. After much prayer I decided to offer to be that person and so there is much that needs to be supported in prayer.
Leaving today is a little difficult as each day connection with these little one's increases. But thankfully I will be coming back in two weeks for a few days to explore the Golan Heights with a team here. That is all I have for now, actually I have so much more, but I have been repeatedly told write short brief notes and blogs. I don't think I did a very good job of that, heh!
I will try to add more pictures later. Keep me in your prayers as traveling alone has already been a bit of an adventure. But people here are most helpful!
My time here has been surreal. At times, I still cannot wrap my brain around the fact that I am actually here. Hopefully when I see more of the land it will begin to fully register. I know I haven't traveled much overseas, but I've been about the states and I've never experienced anything like this place. It's like every cell of my body and spirit have come to life. All my senses are on overload. I didn't feel it until my second day here because the first was spent recovering from jet lag, but this strong, familar sense of home is evident every place my feet take me. My brain keeps trying to make sense of it, but I think it is just one of those things that just are about His Land. Many people here feel it as well. As I rode on the bus here I felt as though I was one with the soil of this land. Probably a little too intense or cheesy for some, but it's all very real to me. Some of you know how I long to grow a garden, so I've got this thing with soil and the soil of our souls...
Staying in the Hostel in Tel Aviv was a beautiful beginning to this adventure. I definitely think I could live life on a roof for an extended period of time. Although it was a little overwhelming yet exciting how many people were coming in and out from all over the world on a daily basis.
I didn't really know why I was coming to visit this ministry on Mt. Carmel. I just knew I had to after having such an intense experience reading their book "Road to Carmel" two years ago. I was praying about volunteering here at first because of that, but the doors to the orphanage in Arad were wide open. Being here, though really good, has confirmed this is not the place for me. Upon arriving I dropped off my bags and headed straight for the sanctuary. There was a tangible thickness of God's presence there. They also have this room below they call "the cave" its was the first thing built on this territory. It has been known that when people go there to pray it often opens up the root issues of what you are praying about. Anyways, I definitely had some interesting times with the Lord in there.
One thing that has been a pleasant surprise is that I got to meet a young woman named Mary Jane. She worked in China with Jackie Pollenger for three years. Hearing the intensity of that ministry and how it prepared her for what God had for her here intrigued me deeply, to say the least. She knows she is here for life, called to Bethlem in specific. Her reality excites me. Jackie's story "Chasing the Dragon" was the first I read that began brewing these desires within my heart in high school. I remember closing that book and knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Or it was the first mirror that reflected a resemblance what was already truest inside of me.
I didn't realize until I got here how much I expected to meet with the Lord or hear from him in a real way about why I am here or what is next. The things that have been heaviest on my heart are most unexpected. I'll share more about that later.
I've fallen in love with the babies and children here. I remembered on Shabbat that Sudan was heavy on my heart in high school for awhile. I am grateful to know the community I am going to today, work with the Sudanese refugees as well. I find I enjoy the babies fingers most. There is a strength, and roughness to their touch and activity I am not use to. One of the girls, Yamema, whose mother and sister weren't let through the boarders, has snuck into a special place in my heart. Almost immediately the bond felt like a sister and when I heard more of her story I realized all the more how precious my time with her here would be.
Also there is a young woman 16yrs old. She is pregnant and due in a few weeks. Just this weekend is the first time she began to express a desire to keep her baby. There is much more to her story, but I am uncertain of what I can share. There are many hurdles to be jumped in order for the state to grant this. In particular they would need someone to care for this little one one-on-one. After much prayer I decided to offer to be that person and so there is much that needs to be supported in prayer.
Leaving today is a little difficult as each day connection with these little one's increases. But thankfully I will be coming back in two weeks for a few days to explore the Golan Heights with a team here. That is all I have for now, actually I have so much more, but I have been repeatedly told write short brief notes and blogs. I don't think I did a very good job of that, heh!
I will try to add more pictures later. Keep me in your prayers as traveling alone has already been a bit of an adventure. But people here are most helpful!
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