Arad

Hhmm, what to share, what to keep...
So I arrived here in Arad Monday evening September 8th. Awoke Tuesday at 5am and accompanied the other girl living here on a long walk through the desert over looking the Negev as the sun rose. About ten feet from home is a vast view of Negev, the Dead Sea and land of Jordan, such a trip. It is truly as romantic as it sounds. I've spent almost every evening out on the quiet of those hills and rocks!
So the orphanage is indeed a foster home and not an orphanage. The friend that first told me about this kehilah (community) referred to it as an orphanage, so that has been my reference.
There are 4 children here. Andrea 16, Aaron 15, Natan 8 and Daniel 1.5yrs. The three older are siblings. Their mother died of cancer and their father is an alcoholic. Building connection with them is going to take a lot of time and intentional careful approaching. Today while playing with Natan I found myself crying after looking into his face. A face that resembles my little Joseph (brother). One of the hardest things about coming here that plagued me deeply on my visit home was the fact that I am going overseas to love on Orphans when I have two at home that I can make the biggest impact, whom the love already runs so very deep. Natan's face has a tenderness that was created to be treasured, adored and deeply nurtured. You can see how his older siblings have hardened from the reality of their lives.
Since arriving I've been wrestling intensely if this is where the Lord really wants me. I think my pride and will have been most at work because there is a strong sense in my kishgus (think that is how you spell it, you know in your gut) that this is the place He has for me. It is just hard for me to see it and value it as much as the Lord maybe. I think I was hoping to work with more children. But each day I find more and more treasures. One thing I know is this gives me an opportunity to actually know these children in a real, possibly more intimate way. The thing I need a lot of prayer for though is the fact I don't know whether to extend my flight for three months or a year. Here is where I have been waiting upon the Lord and seeking Him earnestly. Because for me to stay longer then three months I will be depending upon Him to provide for me to leave the country every three months. Also to truly invest so intimately in the home of these children is not something I take lightly. For them to open their hearts to me, if I get that honor, isn't something I can only invest in for three months, and I fear I would go stir crazy in this home day after day. The wild side of me longs to be a part of the world around me in this land. Though I am free to travel the country on the weekends, which generally is enough time to enjoy every destination I'd want to get to. But I think this is where I am learning once again about dying to my own desires as I continue to delight in the Lord.
Also, working with the Sudanese continues to grip my affections. I am so drawn to them. So filled with a love I desire to show them. Praying for the faith to believe in healing for them. At the bus station on the way here there was a young Sudanese boy in a wheel chair. I wanted to speak him out of that chair into full awareness of the world around him. But I couldn't see it, and it looked like he didn't want to be a part of the world around him. Like he deliberately checked out. I ended up seeing his older brother outside the mall today. I sense our paths will continue to cross. I look forward to accompanying a woman from the community who serves and loves them.
A funny little thing: so I've been reminded that Abba does know our hearts even better then we do. While hanging up clothes outside on the line I've discovered that I have desired to do this for a long time. It must have come from the movies, but I didn't even know I desired this until the desire was fulfilled. It brings me great joy and pleasure. I feel old fashion and a lot of peace.
Please keep me in your prayers as I have major life decisions to make in the next month.